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Joke of the Day

"Do you think the inventor of the USB will be buried twice? The 2nd time because they put him in the wrong way?"

"You know what I hate about abortion clinics.. They really suck the life out of you."

"What is a cannibal's favourite treat? A kid kat. (My 9 year old son made this up.)"

"My husband said I was passive aggressive so I punched him in the face and said well, you're half right."

"Me: ""Can I see the baby?"" Sister: ""Yes, but only if she's awake."" Me, through a megaphone: ""NOT A PROBLEM."""

"I got shoes from a drug dealer once... I don't know what it was laced with but I was tripping all day!!"

"*police sirens* *Dad bursts into my room wearing a Princess Leia costume* ""HIDE THIS NO TIME TO EXPLAIN"" *throws bag of cinnamon buns at me*"

"Wife: hey take me out tonight. Me: can it wait till tomorrow? Wife: why? Me: because tonight's not garbage night, tomorrow is"

"I'm trying to bring a taco into this club...let's see if the bouncer finds it when he frisks me"

"print out the lyrics to ""Girls Just Wanna Fun"" and draw a red X through it all and you have the Quran, pretty much"