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Joke of the Day

"*police sirens* *Dad bursts into my room wearing a Princess Leia costume* ""HIDE THIS NO TIME TO EXPLAIN"" *throws bag of cinnamon buns at me*"

"Today I swallowed two pieces of string... Later they came out tied together, I shit you knot."

"A dad asks his son, ""What has four legs but isn't alive?"" The son says,""Nice try dad, a chair!"" ""Not this time son, our dog is dead"""

"There is a big difference between hating you and losing respect for you."

"Why don't we drink chicken milk? It tastes fowl."

"I'm sorry I slapped you but you didn't seem like you would ever stop talking and I panicked."

"Why do Scottish men wear kilts? Because their sheep can hear zippers."

"What did the Australian sea captain announce when he decided to wank with both arms? All hands on deck"

"What do you call the sweat on the bodies of two people having sex in West Virginia? Relative Humidity"

"I've seen homeless guys who keep their boxes in better shape than some girls keep theirs."