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Joke of the Day

"The family pet is getting old so we're all pitching in and throwing the dog poop in the neighbors yard when she can't make it over there."

"Even death can't get you out of the friend zone... she'll be at your funeral like ""he was like a brother to me"""

"What do you say when God sneezes? Go bless yourself."

"The girls I meet in bars have the worst pickup lines. They're like, ""Hey, what's your friend's name?"" Never works on me ladies."

"Where do you go if a twister is about to touchdown in Texas? The Dallas Cowboy Stadium, a touchdown never happens there!"

"I'm having a hard time believing Jesus was a carpenter. He was a miracle worker. You'd think he'd just wave his magic wand and POOF! Bench."

"How many guys does it take to open a beer? None, it should be open when she brings it to you."

"I was talking to the anorexic cannibal.. I told him self-indulgence isn't the answer and he needs to face his problems. He threw up his arms and walked away."

"Why did your sister jump out the window ? Because she wanted to try out her new spring suit"

"I like my women like I like my politics The more Bush the better"