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Joke of the Day

"Where do you go if a twister is about to touchdown in Texas? The Dallas Cowboy Stadium, a touchdown never happens there!"

"The sun is going to go out in 4 billion years, and you sit there and act like everything is fine."

"What kind of undergarments do mermaids wear? An algebra"

"COP: So what happened? ME: He stole my watch & ran away down the road COP: Can you describe it? ME: It's like a big path that cars drive on"

"Whats the stupidest animal in the Jungle? the Polar Bear"

"When I bend down to feed the cat she leaps onto my back.When I try to stand back up it's the saddest tiny rodeo you've ever seen."

"HEY GRAPEFRUIT, know what else is a grape AND a fruit? GRAPES. yeah. so get your own name you citrus idiot"

"They're building a restaurant on Mars now... They say the food will be great, but they're worried about a lack of atmosphere."

"Why do dinosaurs wear glasses? To make sure they don't step on other dinosaurs."

"You can burn up to 150 calories through one vigorous session of masturbation... Still got me kicked out of my weight watchers meeting though."