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Joke of the Day

"Me: Threesome? Wife: When pigs fly! Do I wish for flying pigs? Pro: Threesome Con: High bacon prices *has idea *starts building catapult"

"This computer you charged me L950 for doesn't work....and you said it would be trouble free. It is I charged you L950 for the computer but you're getting all that trouble absolutely free!"

"Hubs: There's nothing on TV *winks* Me: Remember last time? *both look at 2yo* Hubs: There's over 900 channels, we'll find something"

"I'm a necrophiliac... ...but my friends seem to be cool about it"

"A telemarketer called and said,""can I speak with the man of the house."" I replied, ""sure"" and gave the phone to the cat."

"I'm not saying she's fat...... But if you asked me to name my 5 fattest friends.... She would be 3 of them."

"Lorax: I am the Lorax, I speak for the trees! They have a crush on you Brad! Trees: What? We did not say that! Tell Brad we didn't say that!"

"Al Gore should start a band and call it Algoreithms."

"The midget fortune teller who kills his customers is a small medium at large"

"Me and my girlfriend... Me and my girlfriend watched 6 DVDs back to back last night, fortunately I was the one facing the TV!"