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Joke of the Day

"Anyone seen the movie about the female eye doctor who's always naked when she kills her patients? It's called 'Lasik Instinct'."

"Careful...I've already had our entire fight in my head and it doesn't end well for you."

"[Pharrell eating at Arby's] ""I want a new look"" Like a new hair cut? ""Something crazier"" *notices the hat in the Arby's logo* ""I've got it!"""

"June Bugs are like College Dropouts They sleep all day, they party at night, and after a month, you don't see them anymore.."

"Wilderness survival tip #32: To deter bears from attacking your tent, simply sprinkle your neighbor's campsite with bacon powder."

"What is the easiest way to get a small fortune? You start with a large one."

"Whenever I see someone with spider web tattoos on their elbows I spray them with Raid and attempt to flush them down the toilet."

"[spelling bee] Your word is ""echo"" can you use it in a sentence? SENTENCE entence entece ece ce"

"I went to see my Dentist to have a tooth pulled, but he was on holiday. The guy standing in for him refused to do it. He said he was only filling in."

"Today I learned that diarrhea is hereditary. It runs through your ""jeans"""