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Joke of the Day

"I like how people say pets love you unconditionally like if you didn't feed them and someone else did they wouldn't go to them immediately."

"LIKE if you remember having to REWIND a video before you returned it."

"When a waitress asks me if I want soup or salad, I always ask ""who's in charge of tossing the salads here?"" Then I frown & order the soup."

"""What attracted you to our company?"" Well, I heard you pay money in exchange for work"

"How many people with ADHD does it take to change a - oh look, tree!"

"I'd share with you the audio log of Felix Baumgartner's jump again... ...but I'd hate to sound like a broken record."

"Ants can lift something 50 times their body weight. Wow. That means you can lift a leaf. Cool. I could do that when I was 14. Tiny idiots."

"What's the difference between a vacuum and a Harley Davidson? The position of the dirtbag"

"Looks like Erdogan had to quit... ...cold Turkey. [](/rimshot)"

"Famous Last Words List your favorite ones. The one I liked the most when I was growing up: Tarzan: ""Who greased the vine?"""