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Joke of the Day

"him: what did you do all day? *steps aside to reveal 12 cats taped together* Me: it's a purrrramid!"

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"It should be illegal to play a police siren on the radio. Signed, my pants."
"Steven Gerrard has had the worst ending for a Captain Since the Titanic!"
"What's a life without units? Unmeasurable."
"I'm afraid to be around unarmed black men. What if the police miss and shoot me by mistake?"
"Why was the pedophile so excited by 23 year olds? There is 20 of them!!!"
"Did you hear about Helen Keller's dating life? because I heard she wasn't seeing anyone"
"You ever do one single chore and then ride that high for 10 years"
"A bear walks into a bar the bartender said ""What would you like?"" and the bear said ""I want... a beer please"" then the bartender said ""Why the big paws??"""
"ME: Siri listen very carefully. I need you to quietly dial 911, and... SIRI: I HAVE FOUND TWO RESTAURANTS WITHIN 5 MILES OF YOUR LOCATION."
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