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Joke of the Day

"Steven Gerrard has had the worst ending for a Captain Since the Titanic!"

"Excuse me - can you tell me the way to the Staten Island Ferry? Thpeaking."

"What streaming site do eldritch horrors use? Cth-Hulu"

"[going thru airport security] ""Please turn your laptop on"" *I start to stroke it's audio input* ""That's not what I-' Me: No no it likes this"

"I want to be a brick layer, I'm shittin bricks left and right.haha"

"Trainer: OK this week we are cutting carbs. Me: Wait, what - even macaroni & cheese? Trainer: Ya. Me: ...I think we should see other people."

"My CW just barked. Ok, it may have been a burp, but I'd like him a lot more if he were turning into a dog, so I think he barked."

"My girlfriend just told me she has a STD... I'm Gonorrhoea-valuate our relationship"

"If you ever say 'I seen' in a sentence. I will never sleep with you. Under any circumstances. Ever.* *including zombie apocalypse"

"What did Jesus say after he was resurrected? Nailed it"