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Joke of the Day

"If I have an addiction to masturbation And I suddenly develop it into an addiction to sex, does that mean my addiction is getting out of hand?"

"I ran into my ex-wife the other day So I backed up and hit her again, I miss her sometimes"

"I have Ebola... ebola cerial."

"What is green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels."

"Did you hear about the amateur porn actor with the invisible dick? He came out of nowhere."

"Things you can say about your lunch but not your gf or bf Go!"

"Why can't Stevie Wonder see his mates? Because he's married."

"At least I have all day sober to Sunday up....."

"Parenting is much harder nowadays. For example, you have to be able to push a kid on a swing and tweet at the same time."

"With Michael Phelps, Sarah Palin, and Glenn Beck here in Charlotte this week, my status as smartest guy in the room just rose exponentially."