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Joke of the Day

"Parenting is much harder nowadays. For example, you have to be able to push a kid on a swing and tweet at the same time."

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"I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life ...if I die next Tuesday."
"How do Christians eat their icecream? They Catholick it."
"What's black and doesn't work? Decaf coffe... you racist"
"I like to think of myself as a guy who doesn't scare too easily but I just beat the shit out of a motion activated air freshener."
"I fall in love too easily. Wait.. It's ditches, I fall in ditches too easily"
"Given the choice between Parkinson's and Alzheimer's, I would prefer Parkinson's. I would rather spill a little beer than forget where I put it."
"Q: Why didn't the blondes go to the movies on one buck night? A: They couldn't fit a deer into the car."
"No One Puts Baby in the Corner: A Feng Shui Guide to Nurseries"
"First Guy (proudly): My wife's an angel!' Second Guy: You're lucky, mine's still alive."