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Joke of the Day

"With Michael Phelps, Sarah Palin, and Glenn Beck here in Charlotte this week, my status as smartest guy in the room just rose exponentially."

"White people will swim with sharks, wrestle with alligators, and sleep with tigers.... ....but get nervous when a person of color walks by. Sounds about white."

"I actually heard this joke in a dream this morning What do you call a little square that hasn't developed its new dimension yet? Precubescent"

"How do you make a pole angry? Deport him."

"U can give out anything on Halloween it doesn't have to be candy last year I gave a kid my cable bill it was awesome he paid it & everything"

"Cream? Sugar? Fuck you, I want 2 cubes of chicken bullion in my coffee. I've got man's work to do."

"NO I WOULD NOT LIKE TO KNOW WHAT FRUIT MY BODY IS SHAPED LIKE"

"Thank you for clarifying that you'd bite me with your teeth, my mind was running wild with all the possible things you could bite me with."

"You know what kills me? Weapons."

"It Turns out Trump was right about 1 thing... Never send a woman to do a man's job! Bernie 2020!"