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Joke of the Day

"How do you get a one armed polack out of a tree? Wave hello"

"Why has the pope never won a gold medal? Because he always came in a little behind."

"*died in your arms tonight* *stuffed in your trunk tomorrow* *buried in the woods the day after that*"

"Where does Dracula keep his valuables? In a blood bank."

"What do you call a belt made of dollar bills? A waist of money."

"Did you guys hear about the kidnapping? He woke up."

"What's the difference between a swimmer and a gay? The swimmer smells like chlorine all over his body, while the gay only smells like chlorine on one part"

"How selfish am I? Circus peanuts and black licorice are my favorite candies just so I never have to share."

"I wanted to be a gynecologist, but I couldn't find an opening."

"If Memes Were Horses 4chan would give birth to it. Reddit would kill it. 9Gag would hump its dead body. Facebook would dig up its corpse and attempt to turn its remains into Frankenstein."