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Joke of the Day

"Since it started raining all my girlfriend has done is look through the window. If it gets any worse I'm thinking about letting her in."

"What do you call Brienne's Dad? Tarth Vader."

"Old friend: Wow! When the hell did you grow a beard? Me: This morning. On the way here. Just felt like it was time."

"When is a woman too fat to fuck? When you pull her panties to her knees and there's still pussy in them."

"Happy ending massages don't count as cheating... Women pay to have their cars washed for the same reasons. It takes too long, my arm gets tired, and I get my gym shorts all wet."

"They say kids grow up fast but I just licked my thumb & wiped my son's face so parents grow up fast too. I've already become my grandmother."

"Joe Jackson is the first father in history to successfully beat the black out of his son. http://i.imgur.com/AbZiowN.jpg"

"Why does Voldemort always sit in the nosebleed section at events? So he'll finally have the chance to get a bloody nose."

"I'm not a god. I'm a regular guy who just happens to be immortal and perfect in every way. There's a difference."

"Can a ninja scale a wall in a single leap? Shuriken."