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Joke of the Day

"What do you call Brienne's Dad? Tarth Vader."

"Are you reading this from a toilet? I'm writing this from one."

"Whats the difference between men in the Military and Cops Military only beat their wives part of the year."

"If you had a gun and you were being chased by a bull and a mountain lion which one would you shoot first? The mountain lion. You can always shoot the bull!"

"I almost crashed into the semi in front of me while I was looking at a hot construction worker. That would've been an embarrassing obituary."

"What's the name of the virus that causes AIDS? ... Are you positive?"

"I want to apologize to the person who followed me at 2:21am and unfollowed me by 6:45am. It was a wild ride, and I will miss you."

"My OCD is so bad that, when someone falls asleep on a plane, I turn off their overhead light. And braid their hair."

"What do old men and the Niagara Falls have in common? Just receding."

"[1st Row at Beyonce Concert] Beyonce: Who run da world?! *points mic at me* ME: [having briefly heard the song once before] ...squirrels?"