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Joke of the Day

"Old friend: Wow! When the hell did you grow a beard? Me: This morning. On the way here. Just felt like it was time."

"What is the photographer's favorite car? Ford Focus"

"This old lady in the grocery store was just giving me the weirdest looks and the worst piggy back ride of my life"

"Why wasn't Jesus Christ born in Alabama? They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin."

"if cops want to catch serial killers why don't they just hang out at petsmart and follow home the guys that buy tarantulas"

"*popular kid is struggling in class *gets a tutor to help *Kool-Aid"

"Why can elephants swim - and aardvarks can't? Aardvarks don't have trunks!"

"How much does a corpse weigh? A skele-ton"

"[gf falls asleep during a movie] ME: aw [i get a blanket] ME: *hitting her w/ the blanket* wake up ur missing the part with gollum's riddles"

"What nationality are Sprinters? They Russian. I'll also see myself out."