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Joke of the Day

"Look, if you need a heimlich, just ask me nicely, enough of this flapping your arms and making faces shit."

"I recently participated in an erection contest. Unfortunately I didn't do so well. Let's just say there was some stiff competition."

"Why does Daenerys take so long to get places? She keeps *dragon* her feet."

"Fact: if you drop a penny from a skyscraper it can kill someone on the street? It's true, I'm still glad I went with a bowling ball though"

"How do I like my eggs? Umm in a cake."

"My friend just won the Scandinavian excavator championship by moving a beer can from one table to another without denting it. My friend knows his ways around beer."

"What's the difference between an Israeli terrorist and a woman with PMS? You can reason with the terrorist!"

"Couples that stay fit together don't trust each other enough to go to the gym alone"

"My new hobby is sitting outside on campus at night in my 1940s clothes and when people say things to me, I say ""You can see me?"""

"How school works: In class: 2+2=4 Homework: 2+4+2=8 Exam: John had 4 apples.He eats one and gives one to a friend. Calculate the Sun's mass."