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Joke of the Day

"*worm surgeon beside worm in hospital bed."" Doc:"" Surgery went good but the floor was slippery and long story short you have a son now."""

"I loathe tweets like ""Be somebody's beautiful tragedy"". Might as well tweet using a random word generator. ""Be golf brisket honkytonk"""

"I brought a classical musician back from the past to prove that my time-machine works, but I can't find him. He must be Haydn."

"*goes to watch youtube vid* BUFFER well okay *lifts weights* *checks again* BUFFER *does steroids* BUFFER ""WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME"""

"How accurate is the Bible? 100% at short range"

"Policeman: Why did you crash into that stop sign? Motorist: I was only following orders."

"What do you call a bisexual Scandinavian A bi-king. I know that was terrible. Also I'm not being racist because i'm from Scandinavia."

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil? I've never had a lentil on my face"

"Russian proverb: the church is near, but the road is icy... The pub is far away, but I'll walk carefully."

"A couple who are silly together stay together."