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Joke of the Day

"Son: what will happen when I die? Me [lowers newspaper]: there'll be a lot of left over sandwiches & then we'll turn your room into a gym"

"Do you know the meaning ""Happy wife, happy life""? I tend to go with ""Happy wife, extended life."""

"I'd like to commit suicide to get rid of my indecisiveness but I don't wanna jump into conclusions."

"What is green and smells like red paint? Green paint. Haha"

"Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop? He called it ""Ham Hocks""."

"As I sat on the toilet this morning I was reminded of my first divorce. At first I thought it had been a clean break, but then it got messy and there was lots of paperwork."

"If you're scared of butter... use cream."

"A man has dinner at a chinese restaurant The man says to the chef: ""Gee, this steak is rubbery!"" And the chef replies ""thank you very much!"""

"This is just a temporary status...until I think of something better"

"Why should you always have thyme in your first aid kit? Because thyme heals all wounds. :D"