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Joke of the Day

"My sex life is like a penguin, I don't have a penguin."

"Spoiler alert: 2013 sucks too."

"If I were in a musical, I'd get fired in a week. Keep a straight face while someone looks in my eyes & sings to me? Nope. Sorry. Impossible."

"Are you gonna eat that... or just take pictures?"

"Why does the swimming pool get laid every night? Because he makes all the ladies wet."

"Why were the twin towers sad? They ordered pepperoni but got plain."

"Professor: Heavens! Someone stole my wallet! Wife: Didn't you feel a hand in your pocket? Professor Yes but I thought it was mine!"

"Why was the germiphobe scared of coins? Because he was afraid of change."

"What is the difference between a dead hooker and a brick? I don't have a brick floating in my pool."

"I saw a sign at a highschool advertising anal ogies I was confused until I saw handwritten note saying that the printer couldn't print the letter ""R"""