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Joke of the Day

"If I were in a musical, I'd get fired in a week. Keep a straight face while someone looks in my eyes & sings to me? Nope. Sorry. Impossible."

"What did the buffalo call his gay kid? His BiSon."

"What do you call a happy Kia owner? An optimast."

"Today I was asked to model for a stone sculpture Life is wild guys don't take anything for granite"

"I like my whisky like I like my women. Left in an oak barrel for at least 3 years, with very little oxygen"

"Knock Knock Who's there? The Pilot"

"You know you spend too much time with your kids when there's Sesame Street music in your head while mentally undressing women."

"What, I'm Asian? *slides off Uggs & infinity scarf inside Starbucks* *buys a bonsai tree*"

"One man's sprinkler is another man's bidet"

"I like to think of myself as the Martha Stewart of slobs."