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Joke of the Day

"[emailing eHarmony match] Her: describe yourself Me: brown hair, kinda stalky Her: lol you mean stocky Me [through her bedroom window]: No"

"Pokemon Go is already more popular than Tinder, another app where you swipe to find monsters in your area."

"I can't wear preppy clothes... I'm Lacoste Intolerant."

"How do you turn a dishwasher into a snowplow? Get the bitch a shovel."

"A skeleton walks into a bar... and he says to the bartender... ""Give me a beer and give me a mop!"""

"Why did the hipster burn his mouth on his coffee? Because he drank it before it was cool."

"Man asks blonde for coffee without cream. Blonde replies: ""We're out of cream. Would you prefer coffee without milk instead?"""

"I made a Starbucks barista cry I put my name down as Dad and he stood there calling it over and over again with no reply."

"My friend eats Dead People but it's okay because he's a Fungi"

"Experience with women has taught me that Jack was most likely pushed down the hill."