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Joke of the Day

"Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: You love me? Cop: Me: Cop: Me: Is it because I'm driving a lawnmower? Cop: Yes. Me: *floors it*"

"RT if you just read Facebook for the ads"

"What do strippers and Hillary Clinton have in common? They rely too much on polls"

"What did the boy say to his nanny when she stubbed her toe while playing tag? Na-na boo-boo"

"Two retirees meet in a cafe. The first retiree says, ""Hey Stan! I didn't see you at the doctor's yesterday. Are you sick?"""

"I once told a girl to text me when she gets home She must have been homeless"

"I smoked e-cigs for so long that I got e-cancer. I'm ok though, I just swallowed a Norton Antivirus cd and it cleared things up."

"DAD: My daughter ran away [hands him old photo] DETECTIVE: You have a recent photo? DAD: [shows him 9,674 selfies with the dog filter]"

"If you are lonely, dim all lights and put on a horror-movie. After a while it won't feel like you are alone anymore."

"what does a programmer and a photo have in common? They develop better in the dark"