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Joke of the Day

"If you are lonely, dim all lights and put on a horror-movie. After a while it won't feel like you are alone anymore."

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"How many dead hookers does it take to screw a light bulb? Why the hell would my basement even need light?"
"I hope at my funeral someone has the foresight to bring a Ouija board so I can live tweet Hell."
"Autocorrect will be the dress of me"
"What did the blanket say to the bed? Don't worry Ive got you covered!"
"A fish lost it's body part. Fin."
"A baby boy was born without eyelids. After the circumcision, the doctors used the foreskin to make eyelids. Now he's cockeyed."
"So a hunter walks in to a bar and says, ""Bear with me""."
"Why are airplane crashes in the ocean so visible? They're plane to sea"
"What is a spectre's favorite theme park attraction? The Roller Ghoster"