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Joke of the Day

"Whats the difference between me and a calendar? A calendar has dates."

"I know a lesbian couple who used to breed fighting roosters they were the only lesbian couple in the world who raised cocks"

"Two fish were sitting in a tank... One turns to the other and says ""Hey, do you know how to drive this thing?"""

"What do you call 500 dead lawyers chained together at the bottom of the ocean? A good start"

"Which cheese is made backwards? Edam"

"[Border control] Officer: ""You're not American."" Me: ""Deep."" *Officer squints* M: ""Fried."" *squints harder* M: ""Guns."" ""Welcome back, Sir."""

"I haven't got a Twitter account, so I just carry around a megaphone to announce what I'm doing at random times. So far I've got 3 followers but I think 2 are cops."

"My friend recently broke up with his girlfriend... I said ""There's plenty of fish in the sea."" and he replied ""Yeah, but it's not just the smell I miss."""

"Every time I cook risotto I feel like Gordon Ramsey is going to walk in and scream at me."

"Q:What did The Banana Say To the Vibrator? A:Why the fuck are you shaking, she's going to eat me!"