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Joke of the Day

"What do you call 500 dead lawyers chained together at the bottom of the ocean? A good start"

"I read an actual newspaper today! For those of you who don't understand, a newspaper is like the Internet but made of paper."

"I hate how my job always expects me to show up."

"""Just the tip,"" I whisper seductively to the pizza delivery guy, hoping he fulfills my fantasy of not charging me for the pizza."

"Billy's father walked in to find him masturbating... ""Son stop doing that, or you'll go blind one day!"" ""I'm over here, dad!"""

"What does a chef call an undercover cop? Pig in a blanket."

"I set up an internet page for Chinese Nazis. So far it's got 3 Reichs on Facebook."

"Why did the pirate go to Ireland? he thought he was going to Arrrland."

"I took a girl back to my flat. ""You haven't removed many bras have you?"" she sighed. ""What gave it away?"" ""The scissors, mainly."""

"Why do bald-headed men never use keys? Because they've lost their locks."