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Joke of the Day

"Upon hearing that my donor is in Eugene, I proceeded to inform my wife that, ""My heart is in Oregon."" She replied, ""I know what a heart is!"""

"Exaggerations... ...went up by a million percent last year."

"So I guess these Brazillian jokes aren't happening Neymar?"

"Why did the feminist fail algebra? She couldn't solve inequalities."

"Are you made of Copper and Tellurium? Because you're CU TE"

"My 4 yr old asked if I was sick, I said ""Yes, please ask mommy to bring me the Sudafed""... My wife walks by me and says, ""Why do you want soup in bed?"""

"Chris Christies mom told him to run. She didn't mean for president though..."

"How can you tell if a bee is on the phone? You get a buzzy signal."

"What is the only correct answer to the question 'Are you ticklish?' I have explosive diarrhea."

"Don't you hate it when... [NSFW] ...you could have actually viewed that Reddit post at work?"