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Joke of the Day

"When I was young, I slipped on some spilled beans and broke my spine, paralysing myself... Oh what I'd have done with Heinzsight."

"What did the broken bridge say? I have truss issues."

"If you run in front of a car, you get tired. If you run behind a car, you get exhausted."

"Local news : box full of kittens mistaken for a bomb. I have to go to this town. I may be mistaken for Megan Fox."

"moses: watch me split the red sea in half red sea: i've got a boyfriend"

"I keep getting scolded for things I didn't do! ""What didn't you do?"" ""My homework"""

"I was going to cover my bathroom floor with dead baby skin... My wife told be that would be infant tile."

"Frozen Joke Q: Why can't Elsa hold a balloon? A: Because she might Let it Go"

"Things that cause extreme panic: - Accidentally liking a Tweet - No milk - Unknown numbers - The question ""you don't remember me do you?"""

"What happens if you upset a cannibal? You get into hot water."