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Joke of the Day

"A load of geese caused a massive pile up on my way to work, What a bunch of flocking idiots."

"*Drives by train wreck* Train wreck:""I have a boyfriend."""

"Why did god give women two sets of lips? So they can piss and moan at the same time."

"[NSFW] why do penguins have flat dicks? Because they masturbate like this *imitates penguin flapping arms*"

"Why are the cops shooting so many black men? There's plenty of Mexicans to shoot too. Yeah I'm going to hell for that one."

"What do two gay guys have for breakfast? AIDS and bacon."

"I'm boycotting terrorism From now on I'm drinking all of my whiskey neat, no more ISIS"

"Did you hear about the Coldplay concert in China last weekend? It was all yellow."

"No matter how much you push the envelope... ...it's still stationery."

"I'm making a band! I started a band called 999 Megabytes...we havent gotten a gig yet."