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Joke of the Day

"*Drives by train wreck* Train wreck:""I have a boyfriend."""

"I love how we all talk about The Last Supper painting & nobody mentions that all 13 of those guys were sitting on the same side of the booth"

"Fun Fact: If someone's car alarm keeps going off, you're legally obligated to set the car on fire."

"I would like to go to Holland Wooden shoe"

"ME: *sighs* yep, story of my life EDITOR: please stop saying that every time you hand me a draft of your autobiography"

"Which dinosaur named all the others? The Thesaurus"

"Pizza delivery guy showed up. Gave me 3 pizzas, and had me sign the credit card receipt. I gave him a $500 tip. I didn't order any pizza."

"If you are lonely, dim all the lights and put on a horror-movie. After a while it won't feel like you are alone anymore..."

"""When a girl says 'Awww Thanks!', it means she's politely asking you to return to the friend zone that you just tried to escape from."""

"It's creepy that the only ingredient in fruit is fruit."