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Joke of the Day

"why didn't the escaped peasant want to go to the beach? he was scared that he'd end up serfing again"

"I haven't heard from DAEMON MAILER in years. I really hope he's okay..."

"My friend Matt really likes bullfighting. Specifically, Mattadores bullfighting"

"Why did the man cry when he was cutting up onions? ""Onions"" was his dog... D:"

"My wife's star-sign was Cancer, so I guess you could say it was ironic how she died. Mauled to death by a giant crab."

"Life is like a penis. Simple, relaxed and hanging freely. It's the woman that make it hard."

"I just had my foot run over by a rental car... ...fucking Hertz!"

"My brother told me this today. Malayasia flight 404 not found."

"*sees a guy snap fingers at a server. I reach for my bag* Wife: No. We only have one left. We have a baby. Me: (to genie) take his fingers"

"What super hero league would Caitlyn Jenner be a member of? The X men!"