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Joke of the Day

"How about a restaurant where the minute you walk in you lose cell service and your camera app is disabled we'll call it ""ENJOY YOUR LIVES"""

"""Your present is too big and weirdly shaped to wrap. Oh! What if I buried it in the yard?!"" -me, genuinely, earlier today. Wife said no."

"CHINA: how can we fix our economic problems??? GERMANY: how do we reestablish our engineering reputation??? USA: OH MY GOD RAT WITH A PIZZA"

"The man who invented the dildo sadly passed away. His funeral went just as expected. Only women came."

"I once hung out with Rupert Murdoch (Fox News Boss) and Vince McMahon (WWE)... ...they spent the whole day sharing tips and tricks to manage the make-believe worlds they have created."

"What do you call a dinosaur with good dental hygiene? A flossiraptor"

"Happy New Year everyone....and may your worries this year last no longer than a Kardashian marriage ."

"Why is a restless man in bed like a lawyer? Because he lies on one side and then turns around and lies on the other one."

"I can't bend my pinky without my ring finger bending as well..is this normal? Let's hear your results 'cause I know you just tried it."

"What kind of train eats too much? a chew chew train"