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Joke of the Day

"Why is a restless man in bed like a lawyer? Because he lies on one side and then turns around and lies on the other one."

"I wouldn't say I'm superstitious, just a little stitious."

"2 wrongs don't make a right... But 2 Wrights make a plane"

"How do you ruin a joke? By explaining it. Because you know, jokes are supposed to be understood implicitly, without you having to say the reason behind why the punchline is funny."

"Doctor Doctor I'm a burglar! Have you taken anything for it?"

"A small boy got lost at a baseball game... He went up to a police officer and said: ""I've lost my dad."" ""What's he like?"" asked the police officer sympathetically. The boy replied, ""Beer and women."""

"when i give my policy number to a customer service automated system, i talk precisely & slowly. this is also how i talk to stoned teens"

"A Roman gladiator walks into a bar... ...and holds up two fingers. ""Give me five beers, please."""

"I went to the bar with my 21 year old girlfriend... They called me a pedophile because I was 42. That totally ruined our 10 year anniversary."

"Why is Stevie Wonder in camouflage at the Grammys Because if he can't see us, we shouldn't be able to see him."