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Joke of the Day

"""I'm never drinking again."" -someone who will drink again"

"Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-Olympic sex. Friend: Wow, must be a terrific sex life? Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 years."

"I don't understand why I keep getting denied for bank loans because I have good credit & I'm only asking to borrow like four or five banks."

"The Energizer Bunny was arrested this morning. Have you heard about this? Yeah, police say he was charged with battery."

"The handicap parking at the special olympics must be insane"

"My girlfriend says I'm hopeless at fixing appliances. Well she's in for a shock."

"Why was the tomato blushing? ...because he saw the salad dressing"

"Seriously, if you hacked Trump's account and wanted to make him look bad, WHAT THE HELL WOULD YOU EVEN TWEET."

"Is your business interested in reaching a larger and wider audience? Pm me for my ex wife's email address"

"What do you call a mentally ill person without arms and legs? Call him whatever you want, its not like he's gonna get up and do anything about it."