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Joke of the Day

"Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-Olympic sex. Friend: Wow, must be a terrific sex life? Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 years."

"What are calories? Little elves that tighten your waistband on your pants a little every night"

"Did you guys hear!? Easter is cancelled! Yep, they found the body. Go home boys."

"I wanted sleeve tattoos but keep it 'professional'. So now when I'm naked, it looks like I'm wearing a Brooks Brothers shirt with nipples."

"How is Bud Light like sex on the beach? they're both fucking close to water"

"What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? Alickalotapuss"

"Werner Heisenberg is driving down the road. A cop pulls him over and asks ""Do you know how fast you were going?"" Heisenberg replies ""No, but I know where I am."""

"Egyptians don't walk like that."

"What do you call a short mexican? A paragraph, because they're not a full essay!"

"So I was doing research on WWII. The Americans were winning the war with flying colors. And by that of course, I mean the Tuskegee Airmen."