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Joke of the Day

"As a matter of fact, I _AM_ trying to cause a big sensation... Just talkin' 'bout double p-penetration"

"Personal trainer said we're going to try some dips today. I brought hot salsa and tangy cheese. He hates me."

"What's the difference between E.T and illegal immigrants? E.T actually learned English and wanted to go home."

"What is the similarity between an airplane and a woman? The cockpit"

"If your phone auto corrects ""fuck"" to ""duck,"" it's okay to keep it... It's still fowl language."

"Popeye was a lonely sailor no wonder why he had such big forearms."

"I just got an eyelash in my eye and I'm yelling at it cuz it's supposed to prevent this shit from happening like, ""YOU ONLY HAVE ONE JOB."""

"What do you call a search engine that sings Christmas songs? Michael google."

"I have 2 eyes and can't see, but millions of eyes on me. What am I? NFL Referee"

"Walks into a bar A neutron walks into a bar and asks ""how much for a beer?"" The bartender says, ""for you? no charge."""