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Joke of the Day

"I would make a joke about your mom but cows are holy in India"

"I just ate wood chips covered in lead-based paint... Hopefully I'll ""number 2"" a pencil."

"Wife: We're supposed to get 8-10 inches tonight. Me: That's what she said. Wife: Can't you do any better than that? Me: That's what she said"

"I just saw my 25-year-old son run water on a slice of pizza to cool it off. I need to sit down."

"What do you get if you cross a parrot with a woodpecker ? A bird that talks in morse code !"

"The year is 2316. Humans have 12ft long arms from centuries of taking selfies."

"Did you hear about the guy who tried to make an ocean of soda? It was pure Fantasea"

"SPECIAL COLUMBUS DAY SALE: For $300 you can drive one of our vans into Canada and claim you discovered it."

"How many dragon Ball z characters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only one, but it'll take at least 6 episodes!"

"Getting straight ""A""s does not guarantee success, but plenty of evidence shows that not getting ""A""s doesn't preclude it."