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Joke of the Day

"My brother thought his vasectomy ... would keep his wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changed the color of the baby."

"I don't know, Your Honor. Last thing I remember was the Polaroid picture crying and I was shaking it like a baby andIT WOULDN'T STOP CRYING!"

"*one day before marriage* Parents: Don't talk to the groom. Don't see him. Don't think. *one day after marriage* Parents: BABIES, BABIESS!"

"If she's naming your wedding album on facebook ""wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!"" she's too young for you bro."

"How does a monster begin a fairy tale? ""Once upon a slime . . ."""

"What do you call a baby deer's droppings? FawnDoo! Nailed it."

"Why did Mozart kill all his chickens? Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they'd all say ""Bach bach bach!"""

"Hey you! Did you lose your nose? I just found it in my business."

"""I'm never drinking again."" -someone who will drink again"

"Ever been in the shower, already late, when you feel that colorectal peristaltic action and think ""Damnit, I don't have time for this shit!"""