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Joke of the Day

"Wife: Go out for breakfast? Me: Sure! Wife: Ok, let me shower first. *showers, dresses & puts on makeup* Me: Where should we have lunch?"

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"Girl, yo grammatical atrocities so huge, you need typosuction."
"What did the Dead Head say, after he ran out of weed? ""Damn, this music sucks!"""
"WHO ARE YOU RUNNING FROM IN YOUR OWN APARTMENT YOU FAT MONSTER NEIGHBOR I shout to my ceiling."
"You think you've got problems?I dropped my cocaine in the snow this morning."
"""Pick a card....any card."" -impatient Hallmark employee"
"What goes *clip-clop-clip-clop-BANG-clip-clop-clip-clop*? An Amish drive by shooting."
"How many maple leafs does it take to change a tire? Only 1, unless it's a blowout then the whole team shows up"
"Why do you always need to take 2 baptists on a fishing trip instead of one? If you take one, he'll drink all of your beer, If you take 2 neither will drink a drop"
"80% of making $120 million is just showing up."
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