11008

Joke of the Day

"Customer: Waiter I found a hair in my turtle soup. Waiter: How about that! The turtle and the hare finally got together."

"If Mississippi gave Missouri her New Jersey, what would Delaware? I don't know but Alaska"

"So I just asked my SO's mother the agenda for tomorrow's festivities... And my girlfriend interrupted with ""Well I'll be female""."

"Why does Santa's sled get such good mileage? Because it has long-distance runners on each side."

"Did you hear about the woman who drowned in semen? She had it coming."

"thank god 50 shades of grey got the R rating they wanted because what kid under 18 wouldn't want to watch 50 shades of grey with a parent"

"My vocabulary can beat your vocabulary's ass, arse, bum, buttocks, rear end, booty, backside, tush, tuckus and badonkadonk."

"I was having sex with a woman when her husband got home early She told me to use the back door and to be quick. I probably should have just left, but it's not every day you get an offer like that."

"*brings bucket of fried chicken in meeting* *meeting starts* *I eat each piece, crunching, licking my fingers* *touches all the paper work*"

"What happened to the gay couple that mistook Vaseline for wallpaper paste? Their wallpaper fell down!"