157477

Joke of the Day

"When my grandfather died we scattered his remains in the sea Everyone on the beach panicked because we didn't cremate him..."

"Why did Jared decide to gain all of his weight back? The mall is hiring new Santas."

"Q: What do bees do if they don't want to drive? A: Wait at the buzz stop."

"*pretends to throw ball* *dog runs to chase it* Ha, stupid dog. *dog keeps running, disappears over horizon* Um *dog tackles me from behind*"

"""Well, I guess I'll stagger around, speak gibberish, & touch all the shit I'm not supposed to while you get irritated."" Drunks & toddlers."

"Thin eyeliner today. *left one goes fatter *right one goes fatter *left one goes fatter *right one goes fatter *covers entire face."

"Two ladies fighting for a seat in a bus .. Bus conductor : The older one should sit here Both looked at each other And the seat remained empty :p"

"I saw a deer yesterday. I asked it if it had any doe. It said yeah, about two bucks."

"What do you call a Jewish Pokemon trainer? James. Who else has a Meowth and still wants someone else's Pokemon?"

"I just got this twitter error: ""The server understood your request but is refusing to fill it."" Apparently, twitter thinks we're married."