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Joke of the Day

"So someone decided to offer a million pounds to the first Irishman who could learn to swim... A Scotsman ended up winning."

"The phone rings, and Dad asks: What does the caller ID say? Mom: It's a private caller. Dad: Don't answer that. We only pick up for ranks Lieutenant Caller and higher."

"You're fat and you need to diet... I won't sugarcoat it because you'll eat that too."

"How do you measure a snake? In inches. Snakes don't have any feet."

"Cop: Ma'am, what's in the bottle? Me: Just some water. Cop: Ma'am that's wine... Me: Jesus did it again!!"

"American Dance Music haha"

"A ham sandwich walks into a bar... ...and asks for a drink. The bartender replies, ""We don't serve food here."""

"i'm the girl your mom warned you about... long nails, big eyes, purple tongue, green skin. i'm reptar. i'm reptar from rugrats."

"Why can't people with ocd go poop? Because they're anal retentive!"

"Girl with small feet? Will do great in kitchen"