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Joke of the Day

"What did the Middle Eastern dictator say after he had lunch? I ate too many chickpeas, now I falafel."

"""FOUR MORE YEARS!!! FOUR MORE YEARS!!!..."" - Honey Boo Boo's teachers her senior year of high school"

"I got hit by a truck with a camouflage paint job. It came out of nowhere."

"Her: You should drink in moderation Me: Moderation?You makin words up? H: You're gonna piss on my lawn again aren't you? M: ...In moderation"

"45 min phone call w/8yo nephew: Aunt Cassy, there are 206 bones in the human body!Want me to name them?1.Cranium 2.Mandible 3.Scapula..."

"Are we sure the wise men who brought frankincense and myrrh weren't just trying to sign Mary up for their essential oils pyramid scheme?"

"Definition of Insomnia: Finding a spider in your bedroom & when you leave for a second to get the spray & come back it's gone"

"I just watched a documentary about ships... ...riveting..."

"Q: How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None. They have a machine that does that now."

"My mom told me to only say sorry if I've killed someone sorry mom"