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Joke of the Day
"It's not the bullet that kills you, it's the hole."
Next Joke
"I say ""what"" a lot, not because I'm hard of hearing, but because I can't believe how stupid some people are"
"Man! It's raining cats and dogs out there! *MEEEW* SPLAT! *AARFF* SPLAT! Did I close my sunroof? SON OF BITCH!"
"Buzzfeed: 9 Ways to Know You're Dating a Real Woman and Not a Burrito"
"If you're hitting the gas every time she tries to open the passenger side door, remember, the 8th time is always the funniest."
"""Do you wanna build a snowman?"" ""Sir, this is a Build a Bear shop."" *Pulls out carrot ""Oh, you brought a carrot. Sure, whatever."""
"10 times out of 9, you'll find me exaggerating about something."
"What does it taste like to eat out an 85 year old woman? Depends"
"Was decorating the front yard last night and one of the neighborhood kids tried to deflate me."
"How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh? Ten-tickles."