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Joke of the Day

"PATIENT: Doc, I haven't been able to bone my wife lately and I really think- DR DOG: Wait. Tell me more about the bone part"

"When you're checking for murderers in your house, don't just yell out ""hello!"" that gives them the upper hand. Yell, ""YOU AINT SHIT!"""

"Why didn't the lifeguard save the drowning hippy? Because he was too far out... (dude)."

"My friend said he's moving Saturday... I would have offered to help, but where would we move it to- Sunday?"

"Analysts are suprised Chris Christie ran for president in the first place They thought he'd walk"

"Why do blondes wear their hair up? To catch everything that goes over their heads."

"Apparently you can make a career out of exhaling It's called a blowjob"

"What does Tumblr and KFC's chicken have in common? They both contain high amounts of trans fats. Edit: Omg guys! I didn't expect this to take off this much, thanks guys!"

"*Joe Biden nibbles Obama's ear* - Please stop it *Joe whispers* Say it - No go away *angrily whispers* Say it! - ...please stop Biden my ear"

"This is how the disaster happened. Poop : knock knock. Anal sphincter : who is this?? Poop : Fart. Anal sphincter : OK. Pass!"