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Joke of the Day

"What does Tumblr and KFC's chicken have in common? They both contain high amounts of trans fats. Edit: Omg guys! I didn't expect this to take off this much, thanks guys!"

"What is the difference between outlaws and inlaws? Outlaws are wanted."

"Me: I can't get this star on top of the Christmas tree without a ladder, without dumping it over & ruining it. Whiskey: Yes you can."

"A farmer filled his truck with onions, but he crashed on the interstate. All his onions were smushed and ruined. The farmer was on the brink of crying."

"How do birds record their songs ? On duck tape !"

"What do you call a quadriplegic laying on the floor? Matt."

"I've heard of sleepwalking on Ambien but the cabbie dropped me off and seems I flew to New Mexico, got peyote, ate a burrito, and flew back."

"How do you entertain a pussy? I don't know the answer but if you work up a sweat it's bound to come."

"Big shoutout to whoever decided the ? and ! should be next to each other on an iPhone. That typo hasn't made me look insane 10,000 times."

"What did the cork say to the bottle? If you don't behave yourself, I'll plug you."