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Joke of the Day

"Q: Mom why do you always stand by the window when I practice for my singing lessons? A: I don't want the neighbours to think I'm employing corporal punishment dear."

"Its funny how chocolate can make your clothes shrink"

"What is the easiest way to get a small fortune? You start with a large one."

"I hate hipsters. Their smug faces, vegan diet, tiny feet & sawdust bedding. No wait. Hamsters. I hate hamsters."

"What has 4 legs, 2 grey and 2 brown? an elephant with diarrhea"

"Make sure to stand in the middle of group photos. It will be harder to crop you out later."

"Can one of you please tell my ex husband that I died? I feel like it would be more believable coming from someone other than me."

"What did the body-building priest say after he was caught eating all the communion? I was putting on Mass."

"So Paul Walker has died.... Bringing to an end the Fast and Furious Saga - they have however, introduced a new series - The Slow and Decomposing too soon?"

"How do you catch a polar bear? First dig an ice hole. Then put a whole bunch of little green peas on the outside, and when the polar bear comes to take a pee you kick him in the ice hole."