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Joke of the Day

"I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted, ""Oi, what's your disability?"" I said, ""Tourettes! Now fuck off!"""

"Can't wait to get off work, then I can finally stop staring at this damn computer, and go stare at a different computer."

"Why did the cat give birth at the park? Because the sign at the park said ""Fine for Littering"""

"A mitochondrian walks into a bar and asks for a cup of energy. The barman says ""that'll be ATP"""

"Why do some places have keys for the restroom? They're afraid somebody might steal their shit."

"What kind of organisation is Atheism? A non-prophet organisation."

"When I see people running to catch the elevator I'm on I yell ""HURRY! YOU GOTTA SMELL THIS!""."

"Statistically 60% of people use their mobile phone to cheat on their partners. Personally I prefer to use my pen!s."

"My daughter is now at the age where she is asking embarrassing questions about sex. This morning she asked, ""Was that the best you could do?"""

"What do you call a Muslim on a plane? Soon to be detained for flying home to his family in Houston after a business trip."