196973

Joke of the Day

"I just realized I can make 50 funny faces at my boss in less than 30 seconds while the elevator door closes. Anyway, got fired."

"- What do we want? - A cure for ADD! - When do we want it? - Ducks. I liked a movie. I'm hungry."

"I HAVE BEEN TO FOUR DIFFERENT FABRIC STORES LOOKING FOR THIS 'WIFEY MATERIAL'! WHERE COULD THIS TYPE OF MATERIAL BE!?"

"The toy inside my McDonald's Apathy Meal is just a lump of gray plastic and an instruction sheet that says ""Whatever. This job sucks."""

"yo mamma so ugly she tried to enter an ugly contest and the judges said sorry no professionals"

"Why do you give children who swallowed poison some milk? To make them happy before they die."

"My clothes were traumatically stolen from me. But I've recovered."

"I should have gone to see the optometrist I can't anymore"

"One of the band members of Chumbawumba were in a bar fight... He got knocked down, but he got up again."

"CUT, CUT!! [Music stops] LOOK IT'S A WESTERN MUSICAL [Rubs temples] YOU HAVE TO KEEP THE COWBOY HAT ON- [Cat runs off] Meow!"