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Joke of the Day

"I had to go to the hospital without insurance. It wasn't so bad, though. They let me keep my watch and my shoe."

"My roommate recently had me added to her insurance. Not what I was thinking of when we spoke about friends with benefits."

"Knock knock... ""Knock knock"" 'Who's there?' ""Doctor"" 'Doctor who?' ""I plan to take that answer to my grave!"""

"What did the vampire say to her kids? Eat your dinner before it clots!"

"I find like geologers make really good friends... ...they are very down to Earth."

"Just think,,, 20 years ago my television set weighed 350lbs.. And my wife weighed 105lbs ..."

"Patient: ""What do you mean, 10? Doctor: ""I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."" Patient: ""What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"" Doctor: ""Nine."""

"Why was the computer programmer single? Because he couldn't commit."

"A grasshopper walks into a bar and asks for a beer... ...the bartender says,""You know, there's a drink named after you."" The grasshopper replies, ""There's a drink named Murray?"""

"What color does your skin turn when you pour molten gold onto it? Au-burn ^He^^He^^^He^^^^He"